Lickity-Split

So I’ve been dying for some Dairy Queen since late last week.  Friday it was easy to shrug off the urge with Halloween looming.  Over the weekend I was busy with hockey, then some yard work and grilling in the beautiful weather, and I also kept pushing it off hoping the urge would soon pass.  I’ve been trying to cut out the ice cream and to accomplish this we’ve been not buying it from Schwans lately.  The last two times the guy (Terry) has been here we bought broccoli, green beans, frozen fruits, etc… but no ice cream for which they are truly famous.  Terry doesn’t mind as we continue to purchase his other fine products.  Bird has been really good about not getting any ice cream since I yelled at her complained to her that I think we have too much of it around all the time.  My weakness for its availability is not outwardly noticeable but I’m certain it’s contributing to my high triglyceride level.

So tonight at the dinner table the urge struck me yet again for a yummy Peanut Buster Parfait.  I announced to the family that we were going to DQ tonight.  The boys rejoiced and were quick to gobble up the remainder of their dinner.  Bird looked aghast and wondered why I had suddenly decided tonight was the night?  Once she realized I simply had a hankering and didn’t have anything more sinister in mind she let it out that she had bought some ice cream from Schwans today.  What are the odds?  In truth, pretty good.  Bird and I have a history of doing this kind of thing to each other quite on accident seemingly.  We are well syncopated.  Don’t let Bird convince you otherwise, but be sure to ask her about the Briefcase Anniversary.  Hmmm, that sounds suspiciously like it could be another blog post flashback at some point.

The boys cleaned up their dishes AND their rooms with little argument and as we were getting ready to leave Bird leads off the following, brief conversation:

I’m not going to go with you.
Come on! Why not?!
Because I’m fat! [and she puffs out her cheeks]
And the last thing I need is ice cream.

To this I react as only a well-trained, 14-year veteran of marriage can.  I shut my trap lickity-split!  Even though I don’t believe this to be true and I’m truly disappointed that she won’t be coming with us I quickly and wisely suck it up.  Being of both sound body and mind this evening Bird reads my face correctly and quickly adds in a sheepish way:

And I ate a Golden Nugget bar already…

To which I burst out laughing as much as from relief as to her admission of guilt.  And I thank you my loving wife for letting me off the hook.  But this still means, Wife:1 Husband:2.