Get Off Me Jerk

This is a blog post I'd typically like to accompany with a picture, but I have none so you'll just have to try to imagine the scene with your mind's eye.

I'm riding home on the bus tonight and because I'm leaving work a little late it's not the usual double accordion that affords me extra comfort.  No, I'm on a single which is nearly always standing room only so in polite consideration I put my backpack on the floor under my legs and my gym bag in my lap.  Then the asshole in me tries to look as big as possible to prevent people from sitting next to me as long as possible.  Being 6'5" and 210lbs this isn't very hard to do.  And I'm a naturally good asshole too!

Today, however, for some reason some 18 year old punk gets on the half full bus and decides to sit next to me instead of the half dozen or so decent looking women also with vacant seats and fuck off inviting expressions.  He's either seriously afraid of girls to want to sit next to me or he likes bigger, older guys.  Whatever, I knew the seat would get taken within 4 stops anyway.

So the bus finishes up the stops downtown and hits the highway, bobbing along - for a single bus it seems exceedingly loose today.  Apparently, this kid next to me is so young he hasn't really shed the car ride reflex of falling asleep.  Pretty soon he's doing the head nod thing, and he's all over the place.  First he bumps into me a couple times which really starts to annoy me before falling forward until his head bonks the seat in front of us.  So now I can't decided whether to be pissed or to laugh aloud.  Then he rolls away from me and I swear I still don't know how he managed to not fall out of his seat into the aisle where I would have happily left him.  I should have nudged him dammit.  This wakes him up momentarily, but the bus driver has noticed the action in his mirror and has apparently determined to put this guy out as he has now added a rhythmic rocking motion to the already regular bobbing.

It's not even another minute before his head is back down on his chest and now he's swaying dangerously close to me.  His elbow is rubbing my gym bag and I'm planning for the eventuality that he's going to lay in my lap.  So I slide the zipper halfway open on the bag and make sure the sweaty undies and socks from today are right on top.  I can't say for certain if he caught a look at the contents or got a snoot full of crotch rot but he only bumped me a couple more times before he adjusted his position and bobbed quietly to himself for the rest of the trip.  Evil wins again.