The Pissing Bandit

I just finished reading about Karmental's office problems with the Frito Bandito and I decided my comments would be far too long and would necessitate their very own blog post.

Some months ago my company was located in a different building a few blocks from our current location in Downtown Minneapolis. We were spread across 3 floors in that building and on one floor in particular we had a small urinal problem. [Let me build the picture for the ladies] In the typical men's bathroom you have 2 or more urinals and most of the time in public settings one urinal is situated a little lower on the wall than the others. I assume these are meant for children or men who are extremely well hung. Since you infrequently find either of these in office settings the building management many times skips this detail. [But enough of urinal planning...] In our case we found that someone had great difficulty in using the urinals properly, evidenced from the urine often found on top of the urinal inviting the next guy to try his luck. I mean seriously, get control of that firehose man!

We moved to our current location in January and wondered if we might leave this problem behind us. Sure enough, like the Zorro of porcelain, the Pissing Bandit left his mark upon our new office as well. Only many more of us were aware of the issue now that we had consolidated down to 2 floors. We have only guesses as to who it might be, going so far as to attempt to cross check the occupants of the current floor against those of the offending floor in the old building. A few suspects rose to the top of the frothy waste.

One day someone in the office had enough and posted a sign over the urinal saying "I worked for [our company] until they caught me pissing all over the place." It worked! ...temporarily. The sometimes wet and sometimes dried yellow stains disappeared for a few week before reappearing with greater zealous than before. Apparently the perp finally realized nobody knew his identity and his embarrassment abated. Now, instead of just being on top of the urinal it can often be found on the floor too. This means that now you have to back up just a little bit to avoid stepping in it which of course only makes the problem a little worse. If you can imagine each guy backing up further and further in an ever-worsening kind of way you get the picture. Fortunately, most of us resort to other readily available methods before it gets that bad.

Now if this guy is the same one testing all the food in the fridge I say he can have it, because I no longer want it given he probably doesn't wash his hands either.