We went to the Como Conservatory and Zoo today with our friends, the Lees. Between us we have 6 boys and they brought a neighbor girl with them too, so we were ready for some family fun. Or so we thought...
They do in fact go to great lengths to make the Conservatory and Zoo a family friendly place, but it turns out there is a darker side if you know where to look. We spent the day observing this duplicitous nature hidden in plain sight around us.
The day began when we noticed this woman was forced to check her tramp stamp at the door. She looks so bare without her tell-tale foliage of promiscuity in this garden, but we appreciated the clean family atmosphere around the coy pond.
I think some of the signage could use a little work though. If we hadn't been paying attention we might have accidentally wandered into this building where exclusively persons of ill repute are employed for feeding the animals. The boys were begging to go see the Zebras, and in hindsight perhaps they were a little too eager...hmmm. I think we made the right call going to see the pooping Bison instead. Oh wait! That looks like Dave going inside. I don't remember seeing him in there...uh, never mind.
We also found some signs with embedded messages. They think they're being so sneaky! I took the liberty of editing this one so you can see what we're talking about without straining yourselves. I'm pretty sure that Clyde R. May is just word play for Chlamydia too!
Then we found some repositories dedicated to the collection of prophylactics! Though we had to look very carefully. This one was cleverly disguised as a normal waste container, but if you look more closely you'll see that it's a Rubber Maid!
For those not blessed with large ... ummm ... budgets, there are self-service vending machines all over the park where you can get your own handy dandy plastic play toy for only 2 bucks! They come out freshly made and warm from inside a hygienic bubble so they are clean and ready to use. And of course they come in a variety of shapes and sizes so there's something for everyone. It's even possible that with the entire collection in hand you can construct a fully functioning plastic playmate.
Finally, we found the service center clearly divided in responsibilities to serve both visiting park patrons and those with slightly more sybaritic needs. Just be certain you take the ticket from the left side of the counter unless you are feeling adventurous. I was intrigued by some of the sounds coming from the door slightly ajar in the back. Do they have a lion tamer on duty here? I didn't know they had lions. Where are the lions? And Dave seems to be missing again.
Bird and I are thinking about asking the Lees back to the zoo after hours when the night life begins. Anyone care to babysit for 6 boys?
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