I've got dumps like buses

As a recently converted bus enthusiast I've quickly developed an aversion to driving to/from work. For every argument I used to make for not riding the bus I can now make an argument to the contrary. First and foremost I'm sick of the way people drive, or rather the way people let their cars carry them along as if they were just part of the scenery. I admit to my driving being very functional - I drive to get from point A to point B - and being a goal-oriented person this makes my driving style more about efficiency and not wasting time. In a perfect world on the road everything has a place and there is a place for everything. It seems it only takes a few people with different mentality, albeit just as justifiably rational, to bring my perfect order crashing down [sometimes literally]. Ultimately I don't ask for much, drive slow on the right, drive fast on the left, and signal your turns and lane changes ahead of time. The turn signals are not optional equipment and indicating that you want to change lanes only after you've ripped off my bumper does not help me. Stop the world I want to get off.

This was not ultimately my reason for switching to the bus, however. Upon returning from a recent family vacation at Disney World where we had a marvelous time we immediately started thinking about our next vacation. Bird has never seen me so willing to discuss this topic years in advance and she hardly knew what to do. We had talked about a cruise with friends of ours so after figuring out how much we'd have to save we started looking at better ways to budget our money. It didn't take long to decide that we could save substantially by cutting out my parking fees, gas, and car maintenance and replacing them with one lower bus fare. And voila! a new MetroTransit commuter was born.

I've had good experiences with the bus so far, today perhaps being a minor exception. I have some minor issues with motion sickness so reading is not a good option for me. A few minutes of reading and I feel like I have the 12 bar blues. Thankfully, I have one good alternative - audio books. Right now I'm using my cell phone which is part walkman, a Sony Ericsson W810i, to listen to a variety of audio programming. It's been a great phone for me over the past 2 years and though I love it dearly it has a very small memory card and it's fall from glory is nearly complete as I'm totally hooked on getting a new iPhone. I need to wait until the 26th before I can upgrade and it's just killing me. It's rotten they are forcing me to wait, and it's just ... darn pathetic, I know. Bird is currently rolling her eyes at me "Not that again!" But she's also been enjoying this rare opportunity to poke fun at me. I was looking at my high school yearbooks last night (oh my god from 20 years ago) and looking at my picture she posed, "You know what would go good with that old shirt?" "What?" said I. "Your damn old cell phone!" her reply. Tonight at the soccer game it was, "Can that archaic phone of yours give us the time?" What can I say? She has rare opportunities to shine.

So I get on the bus after work and take the first available seat on the East side of the Northbound bus to stay out of the setting sun. Except on every other Tuesday in the months with more than 6 letters in the name and in leap years, of course. You've got to have a system for these things. I end up completely at the back of the bus, a seat which I kinda like actually. After a couple more stops I realize tonight is going to be SRO so I pick up my backpack sitting on the seat next to me and stow it between my legs. I then proceed to pray that anybody but a person with linebacker shoulders and more than ample junk in the trunk sits next to me. I have nothing against larger people but being 6'5" and 205lbs myself I simply don't fit well side-by-side. Hmmm, she's not bad...darn she's sitting down next to...uh oh, this guy could be trouble, please take the other...crap...of course. Someone as tall as I but probably 250 sits next to me. My ass is now hanging half off the right side of the seat so that he's not sitting in my lap, the edge of the seat being held at bay only by my now aching crack muscles. Only 45 minutes to go...

When we hit the highway the bus starts wagging like I've never experience before. You know how when you load a trailer the first time incorrectly with all the heavy objects at the back and the whole rig starts fishtailing all over the road? Well this was a clearly improperly loaded double length according bus and I was at the tail sitting with my tailbone on the edge of the seat trying to work its way up my who-dilly-what-not. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off, I'll have plenty of time to make it slowly to the E.R. I seriously need to think about submitting loading instructions to MetroTransit. Would it be offensive to suggest that people be ordered by weight with those heavier in the front and those lighter in the back? Realizing, of course, this would stick me up in the front on most occassions and since I like my rear window perhaps I'll just keep this idea to myself. As I glance out the window I notice a pickup truck attempting to pass in the adjacent lane, and fearing this move akin to attempting to time one's passage past the accordion of death, I quickly make the sign of the cross eventhough I've never been Catholic a day in my life. The lucky guy made it, but shortly after this we're passing cars on the shoulder of the highway inches away from curbside. Rubbin' is racing they say.

Whew! Only 20 minutes into the trip a bunch of people get off at the first couple of stops, including my new arch nemesis, big leg feely guy. Seriously, I'm getting calouses where they just should not be. At least now I can re-center myself. Ah, that's bette...oh shit...now shorter and yet somehow wider lady wants to sit down next to me. The battle of my life begins anew. This time my discomfort lasts only about 5 minutes more, until enough people clear off to open up new and inviting spaces. By this point I look crabby enough that no one really wants to sit by me anyway.

It's over, I'm home, and dispite my aching sacroiliac I will learn from this and ride the bus again. It's worth it if I can afford my iPhone. For now I'm going to run to the gym, throw down some food, and head to my son's soccer game.